I had a very random thought as I poured a splash of Matey bubble bath (not seen by this journo since circa 1992) into the tub, under the watchful eye of a rubber duck: If Malibu Barbie was looking for a weekend breather away from Ken – indeed, if Barbie was real – she would relish a stay at Ffolkes in Hillington.
A hop and a skip from historic King’s Lynn and North Norfolk’s celebrated sandy beaches, the hotel/spa/pub is one of Britain’s best-kept secrets. A fever dream of a destination that’s cheeky and playful without being clownish; funky not brash; and designed for comfort and exceptional delivery, while putting a big, fat smile on your face.
I last stayed here around seven or eight years ago, and wasn’t overly impressed by the motel-like accommodation and its whiff of damp.
The transformation is quite remarkable, with the boutique group owners having tapped directly into the core of what travellers want right now – something experiential that will take them out of the drudgery of daily humdrum and inject them with a newfound verve for life.
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Stay awhile
You can book spa visits and treatments independently, but why not rest your weary head awhile? The scope of what’s to come is clear from the outset as you pass by a container golf building, and spot the vivid neon bright entry sign and glitterball twirling at reception.
There’s a series of spa suites, cabins and lofts designed for pure fun factor, with those (I’m going to keep referencing it) Mid-Century Malibu Barbie vibes. Our spa suite had everything we needed, including indoor and outdoor lounging spaces, genuinely fluffy robes, a water filter in the fridge, and neat touches in a welcome pack containing an eye mask, ear plugs and Templespa products.
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The magic detail, though, is direct access to the spa itself. Wave your wristband (used across the site for cashless payments) over the pad by your secret door, and from open to closing time during your stay, you can simply don your robe and slippers and shuffle like the badass you are into the spa area.
The spa
And what a spa it is, smelling like coconut sunshine lotion and smiles. FFOLKESPA, built into the footprint of shipping containers, looks petite from outside, but they have packed a heck of a lot into the space, and it’s all just stunning, with none of the pictures I’d seen beforehand or since doing it justice.
Barrels of homemade salt scrubs flavoured with strawberry and lavender or coconut; multiple steam rooms and saunas each with their own vibe and scent; foot baths; heated loungers; a wood burning stove for chillier days; the massive jet pool with its swim up cocktail bar and free pick and mix sweeties and snacks; a cold area with plunge pool, chilled mist showers and crunchy ice to slather over your thighs like the brave soldier you are.
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There’s a free decent tea/coffee station. And oodles of laying around to be done on the upstairs sun terrace.
You can join one of the free experiences if there’s space – ours involved spreading various parts of our body with different coloured muds, and being tickled with a wet eucalyptus branch by spa member Morgan during a guided meditation. A little like a human car wash.
Oh, and the disco loo is a particular highlight. Don’t spoil it for yourself by watching videos – go and experience it for yourself!
Recently opened is the new Coastal addition to FFOLKESPA, folding in heated water beds, the Duck Pond foot spa, hot tubs, infrared recliners, a hydro tub, sun loungers and, wait for it, a help yourself Mr Whippy ice cream station.
Dining at Ffolkes
As you can imagine, they don’t do things by halves here, and the food concept follows the same mantra as Ffolkes’ accommodation and spa. It’s daringly different, breaking the mould of what a traditional pub might offer.
A big draw for daytrippers is the street food afternoon tea – ideal if you don’t like the formality of dried out finger sandwiches. Two tiers arrive on a disco ball decorated stand (very on-brand) - one dedicated to savouries and the other to sweets, with a livener of homemade lemonade before you pick your tea or coffee selection.
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This is about as far from a trad tea as you can get. Crispy teriyaki chicken gyoza; BBQ brisket bao bun; cheese and pickle scone with a Lego man-shaped butter pat; tasty paprika sausage rolls with loads of chorizo chunks.
On the sweeter side you get tender chocolate chip scones with chocolate sauce and clotted cream, a lemon meringue white chocolate dome, tutti frutti opera cake, and a blackberry macaron.
In the evenings there’s a rotating roster of visiting street food chefs, so the menu on any given day might veer from Asian fusion to Mexican. Handily you can either eat in the pub, or grab a takeaway to enjoy in the solitude of your room.
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On the evening of our stay, Ruchi were in residence, firing up authentic South Indian and Sri Lankan fare. I wasn’t sure to expect, but it certainly wasn’t the level of flavour that landed at our table. A feast of the aromats, spices and specialities of these parts of the world. Tender, mildly spiced beef cutlets; curry leaf scented Sri Lankan-style prawns with sweet braised peppers and onions; a crispy spiced potato dosa pancake with sides of red lentil and vegetable sambar and mouthwatering relishes; and a crispy chicken flatbread with mango mayo and masala fries that smacked the senses with sweet mango powder and sulphuric black salt.
We were seriously impressed.
An afternoon pigging on cake meant we couldn’t stuff in a pud, but they looked epic, including a giant pina colada baked Alaska served in a pineapple shell.
The all-you-can-eat self-service breakfast is available until midday, so there’s no need to rush your checkout.
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And what a breakfast it is. Once of the most substantial we’ve seen in a UK hotel. Grab a coffee and juice from the bar, then meander your way around the hot and cold buffet stations, perhaps swinging by the open kitchen counter to order eggs or pancakes.
Fill your boots on fruit salads in homemade syrups, homemade breakfast bars and white chocolate and cranberry cereal clusters, mini cinnamon buns, pastries, fresh smoothies, pork and black pudding sausage rolls, pulled pork, pulled jackfruit, scones – all in addition to the usual sausages, beans, bacon etc etc.
You’ll leave this place full, with silky newborn skin, clean pores, and Ibiza energy.
Read more about Ffolkes and FOLKESPA here.
